relationships

Internet relationships have been subject to a lot of praise, media coverage, and criticism. But what really goes on in these online relationships? Is the popularity of cyber relationships a reflection of the fact that the world is getting smaller or does it just show that people don't go out of their houses anymore? Cyber relationships are more than just a fad - they have changed the way that we perceive romance. Here are some reasons why it works for a lot of people:

It's easier to meet someone that fits your "type" online. Ever had a crush on a girl only to be disappointed at her bad taste in movies? Or have you ever dated a woman you really liked, only to find out at the end of the date that she used to be a man? People are never what they seem to be, and it's more likely to find personality types that you're attracted to via online dating sites and even regular messageboards. With all the new advanced searched functions of dating websites, it's no surprise that people can enter their preferred body type and personality type and find a perfect match.

It's also easier to find people that you're compatible with via special interest online communities. For example, I know of a couple who met via an "All My Children" TV messageboard and they've been together for 2 years. They are now moving into an apartment together. Online communities are a great way to meet like-minded people, and oftentimes, romantic attractions develop.

With cyber relationships, you also get to spend a lot of time talking and communicating, without being distracted by messy physical stuff. You get to know each other first on an intellectual and emotional level, before you move on to physical intimacy. This makes later physical meetings more comfortable, especially since you already know the person that you're with. Dates are often less awkward, and people tend to be less nervous if they've established strong communication ties with their online lover.

Perhaps the best aspect of cyber relationships is that it's easy to maintain contact, and easy to break it off as well. If you have internet access at work, you can easily talk to your online lover in the background via email or instant messaging. This creates opportunities to express your feelings anywhere and anytime - even when you're facing a very busy schedule. But cyber relationships are easy to break off too, since you're not faced with the fear of confronting someone over the phone or face to face. A lot of people can find the "breaking up" part of the relationship to be really stressful. And if your cyber lover ends up being a psychotic stalker - all you have to do is block him or her from your email, as well as your instant messaging program.

This papers is all about the topic that you have been looking for, take your time to read.

Relationships are always complicated and when you add marriage into the mix unpredictable. While there are some people who will claim to know if you are going to have a happy and long life together, only you can answer that. Marriage relationships in themselves need a hatful of work from the couple to succeed. Today’s living environment is not that compatible with the need for solid time lasting marriage.

This is in part due to the frantic gait we push ourselves to succeed. The drive that we show in our business life can sometimes irrupt into our personal life. This dreaming can in some cases drive a wedge into a marriage. Consequently to make any marriage relationships have a chance of working, it is good to separate your life. The business aspect of your life stays out of your personal time together.

One other fact which can contribute to couples having difficulty with their married couple is the lack of communication. This miss of communication in a relationship can cause a couple to become distant.It can also hide a people of ill will and resentment. For these reasons communicating is very significant in marriage relationships.

The most important fact that most couples seem to forget about is the partnership which exists in the marriage. This partnership necessarily to be there for all style of occasions and occurrences. From the good times all the way through the bad times. If a marriage relationship can weather these happenings there is a good chance that the marriage will be able to last.

Since problems are a normal part of a marriage it is a good idea to talk with each other. This way you can straighten out these difficulties and allow the frustrations that have developed to clear away...please read more on a site that is all about this topic of Marriage Relationships and other related information.

Thank you for taking you time to read through this information if you’re interested in gathering more knowledge please continue to search this site.

It all started when the first English occupants in America have built their colonies in the 1600 s. The Americans have been criticizing these interracial relationships because they do not want a black slave to marry a white person. These relationships have been highly contested in the states of Pennsylvania, North and South Carolina, Massachusetts, and Maryland where there are laws that prohibited interracial marriage.

By the year 1691, the state of Virginia have charged serious offenses to interracial couples and labeling their siblings to be bastards and outcast in the society. When the 13th amendment on the American constitution was instituted in 1865 in some southern states of America, slavery on blacks was abolished. However, interracial marriage is not yet allowed and will still be banned from every part of the country. The reason is, many white Americans do not want any black slaves or Native Americans pollute their genuine white race.

Many believe that 70 percent of black Americans nowadays are descendants of interracial couples. Many great black Americans that have lived like Martin Luther King Jr. and Booker T. Washington came from black and white ancestors. In the civil war era where blacks have been fighting for equal rights, Frederick Douglas was very vocal on saying that interracial marriage can trigger the acceptance of the exiled black slaves in the American society.

When the Supreme Court has abolished the last anti-miscegenation laws on interracial marriages, there was a great increase on the number of relationships that involved blacks and whites. Although the law now accepts it, there is still the existence of cultural betrayal. Many black Americans believe that whenever their children are dating or suppose to marry a white, they are betraying their families and especially their cultural heritage.

Many interracial couples have fought for this kind of relationship to be accepted with open arms in every society because they believe that it can come up to be the solution on racial prejudice and racial conflicts. They call for reconciliation because they see the world one day living in equality and racism is no more tolerated. More importantly, race is not an issue anymore because everybody is unified as one in the eyes of God, which is the human race.

Interracial relationships have some advantages and disadvantages, although there could be a number of advantages to be identified but some may encounter problems when they are in interracial relationships. Here are some that can be advantageous or disadvantageous in some aspects.

1.It can bring to a more colorful family history. Family members can learn more on their heritage and their ancestors. It can be an interesting subject whenever there are stories why their ancestors came to this place and how they have lived their lives even they have different races.

2.It could be more appealing to others, if the person is a combination of two different races. The feeling of uniqueness can be an attraction especially if the person knows how to blend well to different societies. In some instances a person with interracial heritage can feel fresh if he has places to visit if both of his parents came from two different countries.

3.If a person is hanging out with someone with a different racial origin, there is the opportunity to learn the person s culture and tradition. These can be very interesting subjects to carry as the person goes home, and he may share to his peers what he had learned and experience.

4. Sometimes the acceptance can be very disturbing. There are some people that cannot get over on the reality that people can now live together even with different races. Most parents in this generation that have children that are product of interracial relationships still experience some isolated cases of discrimination and prejudice.

5.There are also cases where there are children that were born on interracial relationships come back to their heritage to get some revenge because of the racial issue that were not accepted in their situations. This could not be a good resort to get over the anger and hatred. Some people do these things as their responsibility to point out their reasons. These instances may lead to family conflicts and feud.

Interracial relationships may be good or bad depending on one s principle. No matter what origin or race the person may come from, it is important that people realize that all people are created equal in eyes of God. People must learn how to accept no matter what the color, the race and tradition.

How do you find the balance between your own independent life and being in a relationship? For some women this is about facing your worst fear that you will somehow lose yourself along the way. You can find out how to make sure that you don't give up on yourself whilst being in a relationship. Five surefire ways of keeping you independent and happy whilst dating and finding a relationship that is the right balance for you.

Women wanting a relationship

At least 50% of the women over 40 whom I coach say at some point, rather defensively, "I want to do this coaching work with you but I don't really know whether I want to be in a relationship". They are defensive because they think that everyone is expected to want to be with a partner. That is how the world appears, especially when we are single. Interestingly this is not the whole of the story. When I dig a little deeper what usually comes up is that for many women their worst fear is that they don't want to lose their independence. You have all worked hard to gain your independent place, especially those in their 40s, 50s & 60s. This of course is not only in relationships but also in the world of work. For many women when they have got used to being single they are, on many levels, very happy with their lives. "I like being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, without having to ask anyone else's permission." said Emily a divorced women in her 50s. "I spent so many years being at the beck and call not only of my husband but also my children, they are grown up and it is now time for me". We can all sympathise with her.

Women want independence & relationships

In fact, many women come to me to find out is whether they can find the kind of relationship that they want whilst still retaining their independence. Like everything in life it is about balance. Relationship coaching does not mean that we don't look at the whole picture of your life. No relationship will work if you are not in balance with yourself. Now you may have got very used to 'doing your own thing' but there remains a niggling doubt. That little voice is saying "Why can't I have all this and have a relationship too". Well the answer is that it is possible and I help women achieve that. It is especially important that you first become clear about what you want to retain about your independence and what you are looking for in a relationship.

What must be in place for a relationship to work?

What you must become clear about is what elements of your independent life you want to retain. Think about what are the 'must haves'. These may be things like time, certain kinds of space and a certain amount of time to spend with friends and family. You get the idea. Once you are completely clear what these are you start to have a blueprint for the life you want to have with someone else. Equally make a list of what it is that you want from the relationship. Remember these days there are all kinds of relationship arrangements - they are not all live-in married partnerships.

How to keep your relationship boundaries intact

What is most important is that you are conscious about your boundaries in a relationship. Getting the balance right can be difficult, but if you have articulated for yourself your own 'must haves' you will be in a much stronger place. This might sound very contrived but think about it. When you go out to buy some new piece of kitchen equipment you will have spent some time thinking about what functions you want it to have. There are100s of different kinds of washing machine out there but if you have your 'must haves' clearly listed then it is going to make the process much easier. I know this sounds like finding a relationship is like going shopping. Well it is in a way, and don't we all love shopping? Remember this is about you being The Chooser, that is one of the ways that you retain your independence and don't get swept away in the moment.

1. Make your 'must haves' list for your independent life
2. Make a list of your requirements in a partner
3. Remain The Chooser when dating and finding a relationship
4. Stick to your lists - share them with a friend and get them to remind you if you start to slip
5. Learn to say 'no' early in the relationship if things don't fit - they won't change just because you hope they will!

Perhaps today's most popular form of meeting new friends and starting intimate relationships is through the internet, rather it be a dating service or various chat rooms. With such a rising popularity in this trend, I feel compelled to tell a short story and provide a few suggestions that may help you protect yourself from some of the evil and insanity lurking in those dark cyber-corners.

First the story: I recently had a young man as a client who after having a three-year cyber relationship with a "female" we'll call Cindy, he was contacted by a third party "mutual friend" and told Cindy had taken her life; the client was devastated. My investigation ultimately revealed Cindy and the mutual friend were one in the same: a young male adult with some mental health issues (this is true, not said to be cruel). The point is "Cindy" wanted to end the friendship with my client but was unsure how to do so with absolute and immediate results, hence the suicide story.

My client in this case was emotionally traumatized and even embarrassed by the chain of events and my discovery, but was otherwise unharmed. Others have not been as fortunate; we've all seen the stories or heard about internet relationships ending tragically, sometimes in murder.

The client, a somewhat vulnerable young man perhaps awkward in his young social life, had really become emotionally involved with Cindy. When he was told of her death, he was absolutely traumatized. His parents were concerned with his state of wellbeing but they also were wise enough to see there may have been more to this story; that is where I came in.

The young man in this story was distraught, embarrassed, and even angry, but he was otherwise unharmed. Others have not been as fortunate; we've all seen the stories or heard about relationships ending tragically, sometimes in murder. The internet, with all of its good, has set a stage for predators and otherwise unstable people and many of them find comfort in the anonymity of cyber-world.

If you use the internet for dating or establishing friendships, please use all precautions before exposing yourself to a stranger. People are not always what they represent, and their past is easily erased in cyber forums. Obtain all of the information you can about any such person and have the information verified, a task not difficult for any private investigator. Considering the potential hazards, it's not a bad investment.

A private investigator can conduct a thorough background investigation, verify whether or not your new friend is who he/she claims to be, and check for criminal history including sex offender registry. A good investigator will also search civil records for divorces or other actions which may reveal some interesting, unrevealed facts about your friend.

At the very least, use common sense and always tell your best friend, brother, sister or someone about the person you've met. If they tell you things don't seem right, listen to them; they are not emotionally involved. Most importantly, never meet with someone without others knowing the details of your rendezvous. Choose a safe place and have an exit strategy that will work even with an overbearing, hostile individual.

in a world filled with heated issues,Cross cultural relationships remain one of the subject matters that loom large in most post colonial schoolar's mind,if not all,(Jack Lacan,J.Derrida,Edward Said...).As a matter of fact,tolerence,coexistence and dialogue between nations remain UTOPIC and PLATONIC terms on which Mnolothical culture is based,in that, it just widens and deepens the clashes and conflicts circle;that is this Hegemonic power which is seen in the "I" dumb-down the other incarnated in the non-white Man ,using knowledge as a sharp weapon that runs counter to all that is not "ME".In such way ,the white man coerces,perpetuates and imposes his language,culture and identity in general(see Iraq) ...all these things are at the expense of the other's culture...the former considers himself the very destined,ordained and fated to purge,enlighten and civilize the uncouth,rustic,rough and Barbarous other,hiding behind the divine duty slogan.The thought leads us to inquire about the so-called "Democracy",this reccurent label,which is deceptively articulated in order to baffle and foil the other,if not to make him invisible mimic man.In plain words, the Eurocentric endeavours and conspiracies to make the non-white man a complete "Duplication" of the "I" and to deny his identity by stigmatizing and stereotyping him push the latter to adopt the colonial culture as a substitute for his own and granted the former a feeling of gratification of this absolute power(over the other)whenever he sees the other's weekness,which condemns cultural plurality to death.Ultimatly,supremacy and domination remain solid pillars on which the colonial discourse is based...we can take as an example America and what's happening now in the Arabic square(Iraq..Iran...and list is so long..) or Israel with Palastine ...
SANA.

Those we are close to are related to us in complex ways, historically, biologically, and in terms of soul-connection. Yet often, what outpictures on the level of the physical, does not reflect the intensity and meaningfulness of the soul connection that has brought us into proximity with another, whether for a few moments or for a lifetime.

Where the bond is strong and one of commitment, we tend to assume that there is a deeper connection. However, what is actually true is that this connection exists even where relationships do not function smoothly or carry a great deal of difficulty. Even in such cases, the soul connection may be one of a purely positive nature, though many serious problems or challenges may be manifesting on the physical plane.

The confusion about levels of relationship comes up commonly in two ways: when we feel a deep heart connection with someone, whether for a few moments or for many years, and this sense of connection is not reciprocated or acknowledged by the other, or, when we have a great deal of difficulty with another or suffer at the hands of another, and wonder why they are in our lives and what, that is positive, could be the purpose of such a relationship. In both cases, we are presuming a relationship on a different level that is the explanation or cause for what we are experiencing.

The truth of soul relationships is more complex than most are aware of at this point. On the one hand, what one soul recognizes may not be what another is capable of perceiving at a given point in time. This does not make the relationship or connection untrue. It just means that the other is bound in their perception by limitations on the personality level and cannot register or be aware of the deeper currents of relatedness. The discrepancy between our own perception of things and that of someone else can lead to disappointment and even to sorrow if we do not understand that what exists at the soul level has to find its way into physical expression in its own way and time. In some instances this may not happen nor serve the highest good within a particular lifetime.

Similarly, with relationships that have a strong negative component, whether familial or introduced by external circumstances into our life. Souls never come together to harm each other. They always come together in order to further each other's learning on the level of the heart and spirit. No matter who we encounter in life, especially in the context of a long-term connection, the other soul is crossing our path in order to convey something that we have chosen to learn. What this is, involves the mystery of embodied experience, and can shape the course of a lifetime.

Suffice it to say that, often, the direction we think things should go in with another, does not become the direction that they actually go in. This is not because the inner connection is not there or is faulty, but because the point of meeting with another brings into awareness for each participant, the portion of meaning they are capable of holding in the present, and what is true within the perception of one person may not be true for the other.

Souls, in their desire and capacity to help each other, may also choose periods of time apart from each other. Sometimes the separation is what is needed in order to further the relationship. Sometimes, the learning that takes place can only take place with periodic or intermittent contact with another. In addition, there are many levels of meeting or contact between souls. Souls have the capacity of meeting not just on the physical plane, but on the plane of dreams which, for many, involves actual meetings that are conducted within the energy-body while asleep. The kind of communication and support that can take place through these non-physical meetings can be quite significant. They can further or continue a relationship, even where one participant has left their body through death. This is because those who have departed are still connected with us as souls and can choose, for various reasons, to meet us within our energy or dream bodies while asleep so that we may share further experience as part of an ongoing relationship.

Where souls are meeting primarily in the dream body as opposed to the physical body, it can happen either because the inner directives of one soul have caused them to depart from the physical plane while the other remains. It can also be caused by limitations on the level of the personality that prevent a soul from acknowledging the connection with another due to defensiveness, fear, or simply to a lack of awareness within the existing personality of what the soul knows on its own level. And so the inner connection is maintained when the personality has less say over making contact, generally at night, but sometimes also during the day. At these times we may experience the presence of others with us where it seems that there is an intentionality to their being there, and a desire to communicate in words or through feeling. Becoming able to listen and to hear these communications without fear or self-invalidation, but with a sense of wanting to help and to love, is a task of the maturing soul that opens the door to the many faceted relationships that exist within the spiritual universe.

Finally, let it be said that souls also meet outside of their physical bodies because of the level of their spiritual development and their increased capacity to do so in an intentional way. These meetings are part of the growing development of consciousness to manifest reality in a myriad of ways.

In the end the connections with others on the level of the soul enrich life immeasurably, and add to the dimension of the physical, the dimension of the spiritual in ways that will one day become quite natural and commonplace, which, for today, may seem the exception.

Avoiding bad relationships is something that we all want to do, yet so many of us end up in relationships that have little to offer and dont bring anything good to our lives. Perhaps we date people that enable our less desirable qualities, put us down, or even harm us physically. Avoiding bad relationships seems like it would be a simple thing to do, unfortunately, we cant always see them coming. There are some things that we can all do to avoid unhealthy relationships, if we plan ahead.

First, you should know what your positive and negative qualities are. If you know that you tend to be really passive and you want to stop doing that, you dont want to pair up with people that are really controlling and will allow you to continue to live life and confront problems passively. The same thing can be said if you have had an addiction to cigarettes, you dont want to get into a relationship with someone that will enable you to start smoking again. Attempting to choose people that will accentuate the good and help deter you from the bad is a much better plan, and knowing what your positive and negative qualities are is a great way to avoid bad relationships.

Next, you should attempt to see patterns in your past relationships. When you look at all of your past relationships you may see a pattern or similarities in the way you interacted with your partners, the way they treated you, or the way that they behaved. Try to determine which of these qualities are unattractive or unhealthy and seem to repeat themselves from relationship to relationship. When you can identify these things it becomes much easier to avoid them, and the bad relationships typically associated with them in the future. If you have a difficult time doing this on your own, you might want to ask friends and family that are willing to give constructive criticism to help you.

You should also ensure that you are as ready as possible to enter into a new relationship. If you have recently ended a relationship, you should take some time to be by yourself. This doesnt mean that you cant date casually, but you should be sure to work through the grief that is associated with the end of a relationship. When you rush into relationships too soon after the last you are more apt to get involved with someone that is not all that good for you and vice versa. Take your time healing from past relationships and dont be too eager to get into new ones. When you process all of your relationships slowly you will be more likely to make good decisions.

Sometimes good relationships turn bad, and there is no avoiding it. But, when you take your time to really analyze who you are and what your past has entailed you can increase your chances of experiencing positive relationships in the future. No relationship is perfect, but you can work to avoid the bad relationships.

When asked the top traits desired in a relationship, most people are likely to list humor as one. Humor is something that seems to speak to the human soul. People use humor in many different ways, including to help nurture and maintain relationships. Everyone has encountered someone in their life who can make them laugh and they cherish the person and the relationship for that. Humor in relationships is a really good factor that can help make a relationship last.

There are many reasons why humor is important to relationships. The following explains a bit about how humor affects a relationship and the benefits it has.

- Humor can create a bond. Humor when used correctly can bring people together. It can make people like each other. People love having a good time and laughing is associated with a good time. The body reacts to humor in a way that people associate a humorous person with good feelings. That is why funny people always seem to have a lot of friends.
- Humor can open up communication. Just as humor creates a bond between people it also creates a feeling of kinship or trust. People feel it is easier to talk to someone who is humorous or uses humor often. Humor used in a constructive manner can really be a great way to improve upon communication in a relationship.
- Humor can change a situation. Most people have used humor to cover up something embarrassing. It is common because humor has a way of being able to shift the focus and change the situation.

Humor is not just a fun weekend night out activity. Humor can be found in everyday life. A person who can find humor in anything is someone who is likely to be well liked. People prefer someone who is happy to someone who is grumpy and funny people just tend to be happy people.

Humor can be used negatively, though. Negative humor can destroy relationships. It can create tension and it can be very destructive. Humor should never be used to belittle someone or to embarrass someone. Humor should always be upbeat and keep that crazy, funny edge to it.

Humor in relationships is a great stepping stone. Many times, though, people find a relationship that is only built on humor fades quickly. Humor alone cannot sustain a relationship. A relationship needs other factors in order to grow and last. Humor in relationships, though, is a great addition and is always welcomed. Everyone loves a good laugh and by using humor in relationships a person is likely to find they are generally more happy and their relationships are longer lasting then people who leave humor out of their relationships.

No matter how badly or sadly a relationship ended, there is always something you can learn from the experience. Whatever you learned is your gift.
Very often a current or past "failure" is what fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them. That’s the key, “take the time to examine them.” Whatever you do, don’t move to another relationship until you perform this examination. Let me share an analogy to make my point. When you rent an apartment, you are required to pay a refundable deposit fee and you are refunded this deposit if you leave the apartment in good condition. Consider your heart as the apartment and your self-esteem and self-worth as the deposit. If you don’t adequately clean the apartment (your heart), you will not get the deposit back (your self-esteem and self-worth intact). Leasing offices would not dare think of renting an apartment to a new renter with out first cleaning up, cleaning out and refurbishing the apartment. Do the same for your heart; clear away the debris of pain, disappointment, anger, fear, etc. before you invite another guest to inhabit your heart.

Now let’s get back to failed relationships as gifts.

One gift a failed relationship can give you is the power of contrast. If you can muster the strength and courage to let go of an unfulfilling relationship, you will soon see just how much precious time and energy you were wasting on something from which you were not reaping any reward.

Another gift a failed relationship can give you is the power of vision. By finally realizing what you don’t want in a partner, you can focus on building your vision of what you do want in a partner. You can now focus on what points of compatibility you desire in a partner.

For the gift of a failed relationship to really be useful, you must decide to bless the relationship and let it go to make room for the type of partner you desire and also to free your previous partner to find a more appropriate mate.

In reality, there are no “failed” relationships. Begin to view past relationships as incredible gifts; some relationships offer more incredible gifts than others but gifts nonetheless.

As the saying goes, people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We may never understand or know why we were in a particular relationship. We may never understand or know why people come into our lives and then leave.

What I’ve learned is that if a relationship isn't working, it is not a bad thing or a failure as we have been trained to believe. It is merely that you, and perhaps the other person have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other "lessons."

The purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow--personally and spiritually. Even the most painful and ugly relationships can be gifts in learning more about ourselves, strengthening of our intuition and learning to accept the truth when we see it. The greatest gift of a past relationship is that you now know what you really want in a mate.

So instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped as a failure, I suggest you look at it for the gift that it is.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard that “relationships are the most important part of business.” In other words, people buy from people they know. If you want to make sales and build loyal buyers, building relationships is the way to go. Well, the relationship theory is WRONG.

Maybe, like your sales staff, you don’t believe us. Okay. Think for a moment about the number of insurance agents you know. Do you do business with ALL of them? How about attorneys and real estate agents?

Of course you don’t. And why don’t you? After all, they are your friends. You have relationships with them.

Maybe you believe that only one friend can service you the best. Perhaps you think you don’t have that much business to spread around. Or, like many of our global consulting clients, you don’t want your friends knowing your personal business.

But if you took a closer look, you’d realize that your buying decisions boil down to the same reason that everyone else’s does—you buy from those individuals who’s companies fill your needs best...period.

Your sales staff probably won’t be very happy to hear this news. If you spent your time kissing up, running ragged, and shaking hands, you’d want to know it paid off, too, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, the reality is, none of that matters if your firm’s products and services don’t meet the buyer’s needs and expectations.

Think about it. Do you know the owner of the grocery store where you purchase the bulk of your food? How about the owner of the Subway or pizza shop, dry cleaner, gas stations, or car dealership? You might know one of them, especially if you live in a small town, but honestly, most of us don’t know our primary vendors well, if at all.

Think about how you decide to purchase from Amazon, Nordstroms, Toshiba or Chevy...you do so for the relationship? Nope.

Most likely, you don’t purchase much of anything from people you know. So what’s this relationship thing all about, anyway? Two things.

First, relationships open doors of opportunity. If a relationship exists, a prospect might take your phone call, give your new products an extra long look, listen to your pitch for an extra few minutes, or dial your number to make an inquiry phone call. That’s it. Even when your best buddy is the prospect, if you don’t have the right product, you won’t make the sale.

Picture yourself as the buyer. Your friend works for a bank. He might provide special services for you that makes you want to do business with the bank again. Your friend moves to a different bank where he has less leverage. No special services. You have to set up new accounts, the online services are not as good, and the new bank lacks the history you so much enjoy when doing your taxes. Are you going to move to the new bank with your “relationship,” or are you going to avoid your friend like the plague?

Second, the connection between the buyer and the COMPANY is the relationship. People don’t buy from people they know as much as they buy from companies with products and services that they want. As much as you may want to give business to a friend, if the product isn’t right, their company bills you incorrectly or sells shoddy workmanship, yet their competitor offers everything you need, the relationship that wins the sale is the one developed with the best company.

Let’s transfer this to your business. You establish a relationship with someone, your new business friend, and everything seems fine until one day the vendor botches up a project or order. You call your friend and explain the situation. They promise to fix the problem on their end. The problem persists or recurs. You can’t tolerate the incompetence and call your friend’s competitor. Wow, to your surprise, the person on the other end of the line also wants to be your “friend.” Offering better products and services, they win your business.

One-on-one relationships alone can get you only so far. That’s why the responsibility of good management is to build organizations where relationships between buyer and company work. Good news for salespeople, if they’re even involved in the sale at all, because the company that supports relationships increases sales and retains repeat buyers.

Here are 6 thoughts on how you can get started:

1. Provide products and services that do what you promise and have them available for purchase. You don’t have to have the highest perceived quality in the industry, but you do have to offer something that consumers believe is worth the price. Then when they make the choice to use your firm, the product must be on the shelves so that they don’t start developing new “friends.”

2. Build in integrated accounting operations that make working with your firm a convenience, not a hindrance. Billing procedures should ensure accuracy and be completed in timely fashion. No buyer will tolerate errors where money is concerned forever.

3. Deliver on time. Late work, whether you’re a building contractor or a computer manufacturer, always leads to wasted money. If you want a strong relationship between your company and your customer, be sure you deliver as promised, or even early if you can. Constantly strive to deliver predictable, reliable results for the buyer.

4. Respond quickly. Return phone calls immediately. Issue refunds and replacements fast. Nothing blows a customer’s trust faster than when he can’t get a response within a reasonable time. In our office, consulting and speaking service inquiries gain a response within 3 hours. The relationship is stronger when people find you’re accessible when they need you.

5. Market clearly and honestly. Back every claim you make. Be sure that people understand what you sell and how they’ll benefit from working with you. Most importantly, if you can differentiate yourself from the pack and back it with your actions, the relationship is reinforced and competitively stronger.

6. Spread the tools around. Give every employee in every department the tools needed to keep up his end of the deal in your company’s relationships with customers. Good CRM (Customer Relationship Management) software helps customer service keep on top of each customer’s needs by providing a history of the relationships. An integrated order processing system prevents important elements from falling through the cracks.

Finally, don’t worry about freaking out your sales personnel. Sure, initially some people will be shocked to hear you say that people don’t buy relationships. But the shock will turn into motivation once they understand that they no longer have to bear the entire burden of building and maintaining relationships alone. The company is just as responsible for the relationship as the sales person.

And that’s why you, the decision maker, get it. You know that people don’t buy relationships, they buy what works for them...and your organization is primed and ready to do just that.

© David and Lorrie Goldsmith