parenting

While we have been discussing the inherent differences between men and women in relationships, as well as the importance of need strength compatibility, there are still many areas that routinely stress the strongest of relationships. Parenting styles and expectations often top the list.

While need strength is important in determining compatibility, you still need to look at the quality world pictures or exactly how a person decides to meet their needs. A prime example would be having two people, both with a high need for fun. He likes to get his fun need met by going out to bars with his male friends and going to football games and she enjoys shopping and attending the opera. Both have a high need for fun but they choose to get their needs met in vastly different ways, making their mutual satisfaction, at least with each other, highly unlikely.

In the area of parenting, there are generally three styles of parenting that experts discuss. They have various names but they are generally called the autocratic, democratic and permissive styles of parenting. I teach a democratic style of parenting that is based in Dr. William Glasser s Choice Theory that I call Empowerment Parenting. Autocratic parents adopt an attitude of My way or the highway. These parents can often be heard saying things like, As long as you live under my roof, you will do what I say, and Do it because I said so, and I don t want to hear it. End of discussion. Period. These parents do not love their children any less but they operate from a faulty mindset that if they don t control every aspect of their children s lives, then the children will obviously run amok. These parents believe that it is their responsibility to teach their children discipline and responsibility and if they listen to what their children have to say, they are in danger of being manipulated.

The permissive parent is at the opposite end of the continuum. These parents want to avoid conflict at all cost. Their belief is that the best way to parent their children is to be their child s best friend. They think that if they allow their children to do what they want, then the children will like them and tell them things that these parents want to know. There is another variety of permissive parent and that is the uninvolved parent. These are the parents who have other interests that take priority over raising their children. They are workaholics, have a large investment in their significant other relationship, or possibly have some sort of addition. These children are pretty left to their own devices to raise themselves as their parents are too busy or too distracted to notice. Either way, children are left without boundaries and without boundaries, children do not feel safe.

Research supports that the best results are seen with democratic parenting. In this parenting style, the parent is still the parent, not the best friend. However, the parents are very concerned with what their children need and provide them with opportunities for success. Parents focus mostly on keeping their children safe, while allowing them exploration to discover life and to make mistakes while the consequences are small.

In my marriage, I believe both my husband and I started out wanting to be democratic parents to a certain degree. Over time, what happened is that I leaned more in the direction of a permissive style and he moved more in the direction of an autocratic style. He would say that he had to be autocratic to counterbalance my permissiveness and I would say I was permissive to counter his authoritarianism. It is impossible to tell which came first but this conflict in parenting styles can create great conflict in a relationship where partners are parenting.

When in a relationship with someone, it can be helpful to have a conversation about how each of you were parented. It is not a hard and fast rule but many times people parent in the way they were parented or they will parent in an exact opposite way from their parents. Both methods are intricately tied to the parenting methods of their parents. Find out what was acceptable and what wasn t acceptable in your partner s family. Inquire as to his or her opinion of the family rules and discipline methods.

My husband believed in physical punishment, stating it was good enough for him. He turned out OK. I was in the field of child welfare and it was my firm belief that I did not want to have my children spanked. I believed all spanking taught them is that might makes right. I wanted them to learn how to think for themselves and to have good relationships with their father and me. My husband would agree that he wanted them to think for themselves but his belief was that letting them know who was boss and teaching them right from wrong through punishment would accomplish the same end.

The problem with parenting is that we are operating from experience and what we believe is best. I know very few parents who deliberately set out to ruin their children s lives or make things difficult for them. Most parents want what is best for their children. The problem is that very often mothers and fathers disagree the methods used to get there.

I also believe that parenting needs to be adjusted for the situation, the age and maturity level of the child, as well as the different children themselves. I had two boys who were close in age but very different in personalities. What worked effectively for one child did not work for the other. We have situational leadership in the field of supervision; I believe in situational parenting in terms of raising children. I believe that treating children the same can be the most unfair thing we can do as a parent. Not all children should be treated the same in order for things to be fair.

There are so many variables to consider in parenting. What rules are appropriate for what ages? Do you believe girls and boys should be treated the same or should the rules vary by gender? What discipline method to you believe in? What does respect look like to you and how will you command it? What activities do you think are reasonable for a child to participate in? What are your thoughts about gift giving? Do you get involved with school problems or do you allow the school to handle those? What are your thoughts about family activities and their frequency? Many of these questions and more are not asked when getting to know your partner.

Frequently what happens is you may ask do you want to have children and if so, how many do you want. You watch your partner around other people s children and make an inference that he or she will behave consistent with your children. This is a major important area left up to chance.

When in a relationship if you are planning to have children, spend some time talking about your belief and value systems as they pertain to children. It will be time well spent. And if you find areas that are discrepant, don t ignore them. Continue to discuss them until you reach a consensus with which you can live.

Parenthood is a feeling of completeness. It is a thread woven of memories. Memories of happy and sad times, of pain and of joy. Parenthood is a continuous activity, it is a process in itself. Parenthood process is irreversible. We all take birth, grow up, grow old and finally find peace in God. This is a human life cycle, which cannot be altered, so is parenting process. Once a parent, is a parent forever. Parenting process helps evolve a person, as a child, as a parent and above all as a human being. Parenting process affects our personality, our attitude towards life over time and throughout the course of the life cycle.

The process of evolving in parenthood, becoming a parent is a gratifying and pleasing experience but also very demanding and nerve-racking. We would request and suggest that parenting process is the right time to greet and embrace the change of a lifetime.
Someone, very rightly said, it is tough to understand the parenting process unless you become a parent yourselves.

As a new member of parenting process, the new parent must understand the significance of a mother and a father in the life of your child. It is usually assumed that a mother plays most important role in parenting process. But, to completely neglect a fathers position in parenting process is not right. An affectionate, time devoting father, who participates in the child’s daily activities, help shape up the child’s personality in a manner which mother cannot do. This paternal element of closeness in parenting process helps develop the child emotionally as well as mentally. Parenting process, thus emphasizes that love of both the parents is a healthy and healing experience for the child. We would suggest that if the child is considered to be fruit of parenting process, mother and father are the roots of parenting process.
A very important understanding and learning of parenting process is that, as a parent you are always at the giving side of the relation. Parenting process states that you should not expect returns from your children. To give all your love and support to your child, is an eternal element of parenting process.

The other important key factor of parenting process is that the parent must learn a fact that children learn what they see. As a parent you must preach only what you proclaim, you yourselves know. Children are a mirror of what they see. So being a parent, as a learning of parenting process, parent must not introduce children to tension, confusion in life or any sort of harsh or fight behavior, at least through the family. Children replicate what they see, so mark your actions and words; this is the base of parenting process.

At the crux of parenting process, be positive in your attitude, and your child will follow. Be hopeful, full of energy and life, accept challenges, strive to achieve the perfection, this way the parenting process will help shape-up the personality and identity of your child.

Parenting can be a tough job and nobody is ever truly prepared for it so when some parents get completely overwhelmed it is no wonder that they turn to the professionals for parenting help. It can often be easier for an outsider to truly assess the situation and give some professional parenting advice that is suitable. When parents love their children, they can often find it hard to follow through with discipline, which is a major problem for a lot of people. Others find it hard to manage to spend quality time with their children although they love them, they may not know what exactly to do with them.

Many parents enlist the help of professionals to gain new parenting skills and enable them to succeed in developing a suitable parenting plan for their children. Most of the professional parenting help needed is to aid discipline methods in particular as this seems to be the area that many people have difficulty with. Professionals can give parenting assistance in this area as well as many others such as potty training and helping a child to sleep. Some of these professionals are very expensive so a lot of people have no choice but to turn to more generic parenting classes or else seek out free parenting resources instead.

Another alternative is a professional parenting class. These classes are becoming popular and can be taken in all areas of parenting. Trained and skilled professionals provide parenting classes in schools, colleges and health centers and aim to improve a person’s understanding of parenting. These classes can begin from antenatal to post delivery to music appreciation for toddlers. The lists of parenting classes available are virtually endless as there is training in every avenue available. Most parents seem to prefer classes that help them encourage children to sleep in their own beds, stop using bottles and diapers, ease separation anxiety and teach useable discipline tactics. Some classes teach methods that can help smooth the transition of moving to a new home, changing schools or introducing new members to the family such as an adoptive sibling, step sibling or step parent.

Other classes are designed to help those who have adopted or fostered children as well as have troubled children with behavioral problems or those with learning difficulties. Intensive parenting classes are also available to teach parents how to deal with circumstances such as abuse and molestation. Sensitive treatment of the after affects of such terrible circumstances need to be applied and classes can help the parent come to terms with it as well as teach them to help their child.

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While childhood gurus and baby experts would like you to believe that there are several parenting styles, they really fall into two very simple categories. The two most common parenting styles are casual and scheduled. Out of these two styles, come the parenting styles whose names you might be more familiar with, such as “Cry It Out” or “Attachment Parenting”.

People that embrace casual parenting styles tend to be more “go with the flow” kind of people. Casual parenting is more about letting the family revolve around the child. In this style, the child is given a lot of freedom to make decisions in his or her life. This freedom can start from the moment that the baby comes home from the hospital if the child is demand fed or allowed to sleep and wake on a self set schedule. This style also tends to embrace things like the family bed and sling wearing, which allows the child to stay constantly with the mother. Casual parenting lets children mature at their own pace and tends to allow kids to have a lot more control of what happens in their day to day life.

Parents that practice a more scheduled way of raising their children tend to be people that feel the child has joined into their existing family and therefore must adapt to the way the family chooses to do things. Scheduled parenting includes having a regimented sleep and feeding schedule, keeping a regular bedtime and giving the child choices within limits set by the parents. This style tends to embrace methods such as “cry it out” and timely feedings as opposed to feeding on demand. Scheduled parenting tends to manage a child’s time, limiting the amount of choice that a child has until he or she is old enough to fully understand how to make good decisions.

Many parents find that they naturally adapt their parenting style to their personality. Some may find that they draw from both ends of the spectrum when it comes to deciding how to raise their child. They may take a more casual approach to sleep issues but a more schedule approach to feeding. When it comes to deciding what type of parenting style you are most comfortable with, you need to remember that only you can decide which style is right for your children. Neither of these parenting styles are the best overall, but one of them is best for your family. It is up to you to discover which one that is.

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Divorce is often a messy business especially when it involves children since it means having to decide who gets custody and also settling visiting rights. For the child too, it is a traumatic occasion which is bound to affect him/her and maybe even leave scars for the rest of his/her life. Thus, parents that are divorcing or even when they are together should chalk out parenting plans that will help tide over these difficult times if and when they arise.

Without parenting plans, couples can often get extremely worked up and the amount of stress and frustration that is felt can often be rather indescribable. It is parenting plans that provide a good platform for parents to act upon which can save them a lot of trouble later on when they decide to part ways and divorce one another. It is a means to provide for a plan of action that will ensure the best for the child during troubled times. Parenting plans are documents that spell out the schedule for parents and may also include a description of the responsibilities of the parents with regard to bringing up their children. Parents have the option of detailing every bit of information including specifying where the child is going to live, the person or persons responsible for sending and bringing the child from school as well as specifying about where the child should spend holidays, and how parents will divide time spent with the child or children.

It is important that parenting plans are very clear and concise and there should not be any ambiguity, and the emphasis should be on the best interests of the offspring rather than vested parent interests. Since there won’t ever be two exactly identical instances, most parenting plans are very individualistic and are case specific. There can be plans that allow for the children to spend time equally between the two parents, or there may be placed limits on one of the parent’s visiting rights. Sometimes, consulting legal professionals when drawing up parenting plans could prove to be very helpful since a parent’s legal rights will also need to be taken into consideration and will prove very useful when the motives of one parent may be dubious. In any case, the future is mostly uncertain and there will always be events and incidences that will be beyond the control of parents.

So, parenting plans can only act as a safeguard to keep things in check, though there will be no guarantee that they will work in all cases. As they say, prevention is better than cure and though parenting plans are useful, it may be better if the parents avoid getting into a messy situation in the first place.

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Raising a child can be a daunting task for first time parents, and they look for reassurance and parenting help a lot of the time. Young mothers often do not know if they are doing the right thing in every little task of baby care. They seek advice and parenting help from more experienced and older relatives and friends. Very often, particularly if the baby is born earlier than expected, the new parents may need some parenting help and guidance to take care of the baby. This is a good time for the new grandmothers to move in for a while and help with care of the new baby. Grandmothers are also often called in to help if there is an older child - a toddler who needs looking after too. They have the experience and skill to bring some order into the chaos at home. It is also a great time for them to bond with their grandchildren. Sometimes a nanny is hired to help for a part of the day, particularly if there is no member of the family at hand.

Parents may need help from persons with more knowledge and experience for many things. Babies and toddlers may have eating and sleeping problems that a young parent may find difficult to handle. Sometimes, when a child is unwell and fretting, the parents may be at a loss as to how to cope. Parents need suggestions on weaning a baby, toilet training, dealing with tantrums, breath holding and many other issues. Many of these can be resolved by reading a good book on childcare.

There are also Internet sites and television programs that offer advice. These are also good support systems for young parents who are finding it difficult to cope with parenting. Help is available on parenting web pages from more experienced mothers, who suggest tips that have worked for them. Parenting help is needed even as a child grows older. There could be behavioral problems or learning disabilities that the parents will have to learn to handle. Adolescence can bring its own share of worry. Parenting help and advice are needed from experts to deal with eating disorders, drugs, or alcohol. Most parents are sincere in their desires to bring their children up well. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances create problems that they cannot handle. In times like this, parenting help is invaluable.

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Step parenting can be a tricky situation, whether the other biological parent is alive or divorced. It bodes well to remember that it is as difficult if not more for the child, as it is for the step parent. Step parenting calls for a lot of tact and patience, but the love that is felt for the spouse can carry one through many a sticky situation. Step parenting of a younger child is usually easier than dealing with an adolescent or teenager. Here, there are many issues of loyalty to the biological parent, who is absent. An adolescent may feel his mother s or father s place is being usurped, and may be quite resentful and uncooperative. A step parent should accept that his or her partner and the child share a past that is entirely their own, and the step parent can never be a part of it. They all can however have a healthy relationship and a future that involves all of them.

In the beginning, step parenting calls for a lot of diplomacy. Parenting involves nurturing to make a child feel loved, and disciplining to correct undesirable behavior. It is always better to leave the disciplining to the biological parent. This will be more acceptable to the child who may other wise feel the absent parent s authority is being undermined, and the step parent is trying to take the place of Mummy or Daddy, who is either dead or lives elsewhere. Never speak ill of the absent parent either, whatever the provocation.

Care however should be taken to ensure that the biological parent is not being manipulated by the step parent or the child. A friendly approach, without being too overbearing, will in time earn a warm response. Step parenting may mean tolerating something which is hurtful from a child who is feeling distressed. It is better not to over react, but win the child s trust in time. Once the child realizes the step parent is around for keeps and is not really the step parent of myths, the situation may improve. Attempts at super step parenting should not be at the expense of time shared with the spouse. Every marriage needs nurturing and every couple needs sufficient time alone to help their bond deepen. This is something that should not be compromised. The marriage between two persons may involve children from previous marriages, but the bond between the two partners has always got to be the strongest one in the household.

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People are spending more and more time on the internet. Perhaps it is for work, or perhaps it is just for fun. However, the internet is also becoming a place where people can share endless amounts of information. Thus, it only stands to reason that parenting forums are becoming popular amongst parents.

So, the first question that one might ask is in reference to what a parenting forum actually is. There are literally hundreds of parenting forums on the internet. Some of these forums are about general topics, while others are about specific issues. The forums also might have certain audiences based on geographic location. You, as a parent, think it would be fun to exchange parenting ideas and stories, and thus you would like to create your own parenting forum. However, you are not too sure of how to begin. Well, the first thing that you must do is find a hosting site for your parenting forum.

There are a variety of different host websites for people who want to start their own forums. Some of these require a paid subscription to use the server, while other servers are free. You would probably do best to get a free server, since the only difference between a paid and free server is really the amount of code that is available for each post. The website server having been selected, you now can go about setting up the forum with the topics that you would like to discuss. Also, there are some forums that might give you the option of having a chat room too. You are going to have to decide if you want the forum to be read by everyone, or just the members.

It would probably be a good idea to make the forum public at first, and then private once you have reached the amount of members you would like to have. So, that leads you to the next step, and that is getting people to join your parenting forum. There are a variety of ways in which you can advertise your forum. First of all, you can go to free advertising sites and post the link to the forum. Also, there are a number of parenting blogs available that you can comment on about the forum. Lastly, you can go to other parenting message boards and mention your forum. However, be aware of spamming. If you advertise your forum too much on certain sites, you run the risk of being banned from those sites. Thus, it is a good idea to advertise on certain sites no more than once a week. It might take some time, but with perseverance you are sure to build an excellent forum!

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There have been a lot of heated discussions on the issue of surrogate parenting in the past. A lot of people criticize surrogate parenting saying that it is immoral for another woman to carry the child of another woman in her womb. On the other hand, there are also many people who think that surrogate parenting is something that is good. According to these people, there are many women who want to have children but their bodies cannot withstand the rigors of pregnancy and the only way that they can have children is through surrogate parenting.

Is surrogate parenting really morally wrong? Technically, surrogate parenting is not right or wrong. Note that surrogate parenting is mentioned in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible when Sarah, the wife of Abraham offered Hagar, her handmaiden, to her husband to carry his son. Hagar bore the son of Abraham on behalf of Sarah. There was really no mention at that time as to whether or not the act of Sarah in offering Hagar to her husband to bear his child was considered wrong although Sarah later drove Hagar into the wilderness out of jealousy. According to those who adhere to the idea of surrogate parenthood, what makes surrogate parenting wrong is not the act of carrying the child of another but rather the motivations behind the idea of carrying the child of another person.

The advancement of science makes it possible for a woman to be the biological mother of a baby without actually carrying the child in her womb. Indeed, surrogate parenting has come a long way from the time of Sarah and Hagar. There are now a lot of surrogate mothers who offer their bodies as hosts to babies for a fee. These women can be easily found through a donor clinic or any other organization that promotes surrogacy. The average pay for women who act as surrogate mothers range from $10,000.00 - $100,000.00 depending on her health and the embryo that she will carry in her womb. Is the act of asking for a fee to carry the embryo of another in your womb moral? A lot of people think that the idea of carrying a baby in your womb for a fee is immoral. However, since there is no law that prohibits women from becoming surrogate mothers, no one can really prevent a woman from using her body as a baby making machine.

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Parenting teenagers can be something which parents may approach with a great deal of caution and even with downright apprehension. The fact that their own teenage years may have been rather challenging must make the parent of today’s teenager that much more apprehensive about managing the tantrums and desires of their teenage offspring. Will the parent be able to surmount the fear when their teenage children rebel, have hormones that are raging for more adventure, and showing attitude that defies logic leave alone comprehension?

Yes, parenting teenagers is something that not many parents will take lightly and they will be faced with young budding teenagers having opinions about everything though not enough knowledge to guide them in the right direction. Certainly, bringing up teenage children is far from being a breeze, with tempers sure to fray and arguments erupting like bubbling volcanoes, parents will certainly have their task of parenting teenagers cut out for them. What wouldn’t a parent give for some written information or a guide to steer them through this particularly troublesome phase in bring up their teenaged children. There is need to know when your teenaged child is feeling blue or even depressed. Parenting teenagers would be all the more richer if there were some guidelines to get over those troubled times.

Fortunately, parenting teenagers can be a rewarding task if parents stick to some simple guidelines. First off, as a parent you should realize that they do have certain amount of power in their hands and even their teenaged child would have to admit it is so. Thus, being a role model for teenagers rather than giving ultimatums would help you tide over teenage crises and also make your task that much easier and simplified. Next, you don’t have to have tight apron strings as this is a time in the life of teenagers when they need some latitude to find their own identity. As a parent, you need to find the right balance so that the teenager can develop his/her own identity and yet be controlled by the parent. It may be easier said than done; but, it is still the right step in the right direction. Another tip for parenting teenagers is to stay alert and realize that this phase in parenting could be the most difficult of all which you as a parent must always be aware of. You should be on your toes and elicit from your teenaged wards any secrets and inner thoughts that are being concealed from you. You don’t have to snoop on them, but just be alert and ready to get the teenager to be frank about whatever hidden thoughts are going on in those young and impressionable minds.

And, when they do open up, parenting teenagers means opening up your ears and heart to give them a fair and impartial hearing. Given the general incommunicativeness of teenagers, you should be adept at listening and picking up nuances and following their hints to get to the heart of the matter.Without a doubt, parenting teenagers is a challenge to be faced by every parent and with proper guidance, the fruits of your efforts, though not immediately visible in the near term, will certainly come to fruition later on in life and thus you will have got your reward for laboring tirelessly during these early and impressionable years.

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Authoritarian parenting was very common about a hundred years ago, when parents controlled their children completely, and held them on tight reins. Usually, parenting has two aspects to it: responsiveness, which includes parental nurturing and support, and demanding behavior, whereby the parent expects and demands high level of discipline and unquestioning obedience. In authoritarian parenting, the parent is highly demanding, but is not responsive. Expression of love or affection is limited or even absent. People who believe in authoritarian parenting are usually very conscious about status, and particular about discipline. They expect their orders to be obeyed without any explanation being given. Their homes are always maintained in highly orderly manners, and everything has to function with clockwork precision, according to their rules. They also expect their children to accept their values, decisions, judgments and goals entirely and unquestioningly. They set absolute standards for shaping, evaluating and controlling the behaviors and attitudes of their adolescent children.

Often, as a result of authoritarian parenting, a child has no privacy or say in any matter. The parent tends to be highly intrusive and autocratic. Further, these parents tend to be obsessed with behavioral control and psychological control of the child. They use weapons like withdrawal of love, shaming, and making the child feel guilty, to get their child to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Children may perform reasonably well at school and may not display any behavioral problems as a result of authoritarian parenting. However, they often suffer from low self-esteem, high levels of depression, and have poor social skills. They have never been engaged in verbal discussions or exchanges at home, and consequently tend to be awkward and nervous conversationalists.

Adolescents, subject to authoritarian parenting, are raised with high values for obedience, respect for authority and work traditions. They are expected to excel, and often are goaded to do so in the hope of winning parental approval and love. The kids may be very good at obeying authority, but often lack inner discipline. Without parental control or supervision they cannot achieve much, as independence was never encouraged in childhood. Unfortunately, this adolescent rarely turns to his or her parents when help or guidance is required, as there are fears of being considered useless, or even of being punished. Thus, parents miss out on guiding the child when he or she needs it most. Parents should to try and achieve a balance between having high expectations and displaying genuine affection. Only then will children be motivated from within to succeed.

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Thousands of people each year in the United States decide to become foster parents. This can be an extremely difficult challenge for most people because foster parenting often involves dealing with an emotionally or developmentally disabled child. Even in the best of circumstances children in foster care, have been traumatized by simply being separated from their parents, if nothing else.

Foster parenting may be a difficult task but if you really want to make a difference to in a child’s life it is worth the trouble. There are so many kids that need and deserve a stable, loving home to live in. To help your foster kids adjust better, it would be a good idea for you to read some books about foster parenting and learn something about how you should handle difficult situations with your foster kids. You may also enroll in one of the many foster parenting classes being offered at the local colleges and state agencies.

Living with your foster kids does not have to be very stressful. The best way to break the ice between you and your foster children is to communicate with them. If your foster children are still very young, you may have greater success in the areas of foster parenting. According to experts, younger children are more open to changes compared to older children. Furthermore, very young children are easier to handle compared to older children especially teenagers. The best way for you to win over your foster kids is to spend some time with them and let them feel that you really care about them. Simple things like taking them out to the park and playing with them often will help you get close to them.

Where foster parenting small children is relatively easy, foster parenting teenagers can be very difficult. Most teenagers are rebellious so you need to take extra care when dealing with them. Learn more about your teenage foster kid before you attempt to bond with him. Be very patient when dealing with your teenage foster kid. When deciding to take in a teenager take into consideration the health and safety of any children already in your home. Normal teenagers in normal circumstances are difficult to parent. Add emotional problems and it becomes even more challenging.

In any case special care must be taken by foster parents to meet the special needs a foster child might have. It may take special training to foster parent a child that has been neglected or abused.

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Which generation parented correctly? Mine, my mother's, my daughter's? Perhaps we all did and didn't.

I remember waking up in the morning and rushing through breakfast so I could go outside to play with all the other children in the neighborhood. I don't remember our yards being filled with huge plastic toys in bright, neon primary colors. I do remember bikes and balls and most of us had jump ropes, bats and baseballs. We ran and laughed and played games until we were forced to come in the house for our lunch. We ate our lunch with one purpose ..to get back outside. The afternoon went pretty much the same as it had in the morning. The best part of the day was when we all met up after dinner. The sky would be darkening and we would play hide and seek and make arrangements for sleepovers we would later talk our mothers into with a 50/50 success rate.

I'm not saying things were better then, although each generation looks back at their life experience with melancholy and regret that the newer generations are missing "something". But, I will say, the over weight child in our school was severely out numbered by slim, tanned and athletically enthused children. We were seldom bored and whined to our moms we had "nothing" to do. We KNEW what that would bring us ..a never ending list of chores she could come up with and continue to list until we ran from the house excited to climb a tree alone.

Our parents never repeated themselves. Once given a directive from our parents we would immediately respond. We didn't take out the rubbish or feed the dog with joy in our hearts, but we did it right away. I had a girlfriend who said if she didn't hear what her mother said, and asked her mom to repeat herself she was accused of "talking back". Too strict? Yes, but a good example of the mindset of our parents.

The lines between adults and children were not blurred. The boundaries that provided gave us a certain security. We knew there was right and wrong. We knew the repercussions of wrong. Our parents parented. They knew our adulthood would bring time for friendship with their children.

I was a lazier parent. I yelled a lot. Looking back on my years as a young mom I hear myself yelling all the time. I'm not proud of the things I remember yelling in anger either. I say lazy because, if I had followed through on threats of discipline, my children would have found it easier to know "when I meant business". They never quite knew when I might really react to an infringement, so they often "took a chance". I also would have let a lot more go by without comment. When I did get in "mothering mode" I would look for any little action on their part to correct. I don't remember really having chats with them, something I vowed I would do when I had children. I wasn't as concerned with the amount of TV they watched as I should have been. Luckily, my daughter had no interest in TV, but my son was glued to the set all Saturday long. I wish I had pushed him out the door more often to play. My children had friends over, but not with the ease I did. They were allowed friendship time when it was convenient for me, not on the daily basis I had enjoyed as a child. I wish I could remember holding them more, kissing them and telling them how much I loved them and that they filled my heart with happiness. It was probably hard for them to decipher that from the head hanging out the back door screeching at them.

I watch my children parent and I am so impressed and proud of them. I wish their children played out doors more often and ran around with the abandon of my youth, on the other hand, my grandchildren have parents who play with them, cuddle and verbally express love. They tell their children "why" they need to do a chore .is asking for an explanation "talking back"? I don't think so .at least I don't anymore. Their children know they are the center of their parent's universe, not living on the outskirts of it.

We can't go back. We can't re-do. We can withhold judgment and honestly observe. We can admit to not knowing everything. We can think in wonderment of the day our grandchildren parent and believe it will all be good.

A parenting agreement is usually drawn up when a couple that are living apart, agree to act jointly in the best interests of their children. It lays down all the conditions for keeping the children as happy as possible. The couple establishes two homes, but consults each other regarding the needs of the children. A couple breaking up is a bewildering process for their children. They wonder if they are to blame for it in any way, and how they will carry on in the changing circumstances. A coherently drawn up parenting agreement ensures the change is as smooth as possible for the children. Parenting agreements cover all aspects of the lives of the minor children and there is little room for misunderstanding. Parents may fall out of love with each other, but rarely do so with their children. As co-parents, they are usually willing to make necessary adjustments while the parenting agreement is being drawn out, because they want the best for their children. Ideally, they remain in close contact with each other, and co-operate fully, often making adjustments and compromises they didn’t do when they were living under the same roof!

A lawyer may draw out a parenting agreement with the minor details specific to a family. However, a typical agreement generally covers most aspects of education, finance, leisure and other activities, and the role of each parent in these. Typically, both parents may attend activities in which the children participate. However, a parent can only enroll the children in activities during their custodial period, and at their expense. Joining in any activity that may extend into the other parent’s time can only be undertaken with the other’s permission, and with no financial obligation.

Information about any medical emergency should be shared immediately. All information regarding academic progress, extra curricular activities and school programs is shared between parents. All major decisions are made jointly, and any problem is first discussed calmly between parents. Any problem with authorities or a medical problem is tackled in the presence of both parents. Any decision regarding religion, education, or vocation, is taken jointly. Parents are expected to show respect to each other in the presence of their children. They acknowledge each other as being good persons who unfortunately cannot live together. They do however agree to share the joys and burdens of parenting, with the best interests of their children at heart.

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Overprotective parenting seems to be on the rise, with parents getting increasingly involved in, and ambitious about their children’s activities. Overprotective parenting is often the result of parents forgetting their children are individuals in their own right. Very often, overprotective parenting is a result of parents viewing their kids as an extension of themselves. Everything they wished to achieve, academically or on the sports field, is thrust on their children. The poor kids are expected to shine as superstars instead of just enjoying what they do.

These parents fail to differentiate their children's desires and feelings from their own. They imagine their perfectly nice kids to be suffering from performance anxiety – purely a reflection of their anxiety about the kids’ performance. Tennis or baseball can never be just a game to be enjoyed with friends. The child has to reach the US Open or Junior League. Parents fail to recognize the child’s irritation at their interference, putting it down to sensitivity and anxiety.

Overprotective parenting often results in parents refusing to recognize and accept that their child has done anything wrong. As a result of overprotective parenting, children are condoned for destructive behavior and never have to face the rap for their actions. The parents thus validate unhealthy behavior instead of setting appropriate role models. Anxious parents shield their children from the consequences of their behavior. Thus, the child is always let off the hook, instead of being corrected.

Most children are embarrassed by their parents’ behavior as they grow older. They also resent the constant interference and anxiety about their performance. They wish the parents would back off and let them figure things out for themselves. Overprotective parents want to take the bumps out of their children’s lives, forgetting it is all a part of growing up. Life is not a spectator sport, and everyone has to go through good and bad experiences. Children learn to cope with failure when they go through a tough patch and they mature as a result of it.

Overprotective parents just focus on their child’s achievements, and not the child’s development. Kids are embarrassed when parents interfere in school about grades or inclusion in an activity. Parents, however, are obsessed with success, and are often misguided in their goals. In their anxiety, they take away all the discomforts, disappointments and even the fun out of growing up. Unfortunately, this kind of control can make the child go haywire when he or she is away at University, and could even end in alcoholism and drug abuse. Let children bloom at their own pace, and enjoy growing up, instead of overprotecting them.

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Parents often come to my office feeling frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed. Many of them explain to me that they feel they are at the end of their rope and at a loss for what to do. Having read numerous books and articles on parenting, experimented with all sorts of techniques, talked to friends, school counselors, and teachers, they long for something that works; something that they hope might possibly help them in dealing with their child.

While some parents wish and request that I “fix” their child, many say they would be grateful to settle for anything that may help their child and alleviate their feeling frustrated.

Through years of consulting with parents, working with kids in therapy, and leading parent-skills training groups, I experimented with different approaches to helping parents. In wanting to simplify a large body of information, I arbitrarily categorized the world of parenting into two philosophies: behavioral and humanistic. I strongly advocate and practice the latter, while I grudgingly (and with disappointment) accept that the former continues to be widely adopted. Before elaborating upon my preference for humanistic parenting, I’d like to briefly describe the behavioral model.

The behavioral approach to parenting is based on the premise that children’s behaviors can be shaped through modifying the consequences in their environment. Common terms in the behaviorist’s vocabulary are: reinforcement, reward, punishment, tokens, shaping, and time-out. In certain circumstances and situations, implementing behavioral strategies can effectively and quickly change a child’s behavior over the short-term. I believe this is one of the reasons behavioral techniques maintain their widespread appeal with parents and professionals. Moreover, research has repeatedly demonstrated that one of the best ways to immediately reduce or eliminate an undesirable behavior (e.g., hitting, temper tantrums) is to punish a child as soon as possible following the emitted action. Behavior management programs seem to work best when the parent or teacher holds a position of power over, and maintains a reasonably high degree of control over the child.

When I trained as an intern, I counseled parents on ways to set up these behavioral systems in their home to enable them to reduce or control their child’s “unwanted” behaviors. Our programs seemed reasonable, simple, and commonsensical. Parents and I, however, soon started noticing some reoccurring common patterns and problems. The first two to three weeks was a “honeymoon” period. At this stage of the program, the charts and rewards were often fun for the parents and kids. The ideas were new and fresh. With most honeymoons, though, the novelty and behavior changes did not endure. The reduced effectiveness, or total breakdown, became predictable. Parents told me stories of their kids becoming bitter and resentful, and tearing down the star charts off the refrigerator door. The once-effective rewards (e.g., T.V., video games, money, candy), were no longer sufficient. Parents and I also observed another common problem with this approach: when the parent was not present (i.e., the person in charge was not around), the children usually reverted to their previous actions. For instance, Billy would act “good” when mom and dad were watching, but he would return to hitting his sister when mom and dad weren’t around.

I felt uncomfortable advocating and supporting a system that was based on parents having control and power over their children. This contradicted my belief that children are intelligent human beings who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Another troublesome outcome associated with the behavioral techniques was that kids seemed to react with negative feelings, such as feeling angry or feeling scared, toward their parents. This prompted my search for another way to enhance the emotional climate in the home.

What, then, is an alternative? What is humanistic parenting?

Humanistic parenting is an attitude, a philosophy, and a way of relating to your child. It is an approach where the inner goodness of the child is valued.

A core principle of humanistic parenting is respecting children and treating them with dignity. A useful exercise to help in following this fundamental principle is to ask yourself the questions, “would I like to be treated that way?”, and “how would I feel if I was in their shoes?”. If the answers are “no” and “I would feel disrespected”, then your actions as a parents most likely do not follow the humanistic parenting philosophy.

When treating their children with respect and connecting with their children’s feelings, parents are empowered. They often experience considerably less feeling guilty and frustrated.

In the humanistic approach, children are allowed to have and to feel their feelings. I am not proposing that kids be allowed to go around hitting whomever they please! I am, however, suggesting that children (just as adults do) are entitled to express their feelings in a constructive nonviolent manner. In allowing their feelings an outlet, children often feel better about themselves, and feel accepted by their parents.

Humanistic parenting practitioners also respect the feelings of parents. Through being aware of, expressing, and communicating their feelings, they can act as sincere and genuine models to their children.

Skills and terms in the humanistic parenting vocabulary include: active listening, acknowledging and validating feelings, openly communicating your own feelings, problem solving, describing, and giving information.

Some professionals and parents believe that the skills and techniques from humanistic philosophy are not sufficient for dealing with “difficult” and “tough” children with serious problems. My experiences, generally, have not supported this assertion. Contrary to these concerns, I have repeatedly witnessed the success of humanistic parenting strategies with a wide range of children.

It is sometimes beneficial to incorporate skills and strategies adopted or borrowed from the behavioral model within the humanistic framework. The key seems to be how these techniques are used and the underlying attitude that parents have when relating to their children. For instance, it may be helpful for a parent to use a version of the time-out strategy when their child is feeling very angry. Within the humanistic framework time-out could provide the child an opportunity to cool down and maybe even to reflect on his feelings. It would be used in a respectful, non-punitive manner, and often with the previously agreed upon consent of the child.

Although it may take longer to see the results of the humanistic approach with “difficult” children, in the end, those children incorporate values and acceptable behaviors that tend to endure. Rather than questioning themselves whether their actions will elicit a sticker or reprimand from their parents (or teachers), children learn healthy ways to act and to express themselves in everyday situations.

When humanistic parenting is consistently adopted by parents, I believe that long-term changes are possible in all families and with all children. The positive feedback from parents bolsters my conviction that this is an effective and respectful way to relate to children.

For more information and for techniques that were developed from follow a humanistic parenting philosophy, I often recommend the following books: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish; Parent Effectiveness Training, by Thomas Gordon; and Kids are Worth It!, by Barbara Coloroso. Videos, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, and Barbara Coloroso, are also available.

Participating in parenting groups and consulting with a professional who is familiar and experienced with the humanistic approach may also be helpful ways to practice and fine-tune these skills.

Positive parenting is very beneficial both for the parent and the child. According to studies, parents who deal with their kids positively form closer bonds with their kids compared to those parents who always criticize their kids. Furthermore, parents who employ positive parenting techniques when dealing with their kids build the self esteem of their children that their children turns out to be more well adjusted compared to children who are constantly subjected to criticisms.

Positive parenting and positive guidance can make a lot of difference in the life of your child especially during the early years. According to experts, children are molded by the experiences that they have when they are very young. If you teach your child to look at life in a more positive way early on, you can help mold your child to grow up into a person with a positive attitude towards life. Furthermore, dealing with your child in a positive way will make your child feel valued as a person. Note that if your child knows that he or she is valued as a person, he or she will grow more confident in him/herself. Teaching your child about social responsibility through positive parenting will help make your child more cooperative with others. According to experts, treating a child with respect will help teach that child the value of respecting others. Furthermore, teaching your child social responsibility through positive parenting will help your child take responsibilities for his or her actions and avoid blaming others for mistakes that he or she committed.

Dealing with a misbehaving child is often very challenging and stressful for parents. However, if you keep a positive attitude about things and deal with your misbehaving child in a positive way, you can turn a negative experience into a valuable learning experience for your child. For instance, if your misbehaving child caused some destruction of property, do not shout at the child and berate him or her for misbehaving. Instead of scolding your child for misbehaving, you should talk to your child calmly and ask him what happened. Let him explain to you why he acted the way he did. According to the principles of positive parenting, you should not blame your child for misbehaving but rather guide the child and help him or her realize why his or her actions were wrong and how he can make things right.

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I want that the following article will help you to better understand this topic.

When your child is born you automatically accept that you have all the rights and responsibilities that being a parent means. This however is not inevitably the case. The child’s birth does not assure of your parenting rights. These are matters that need to be dealt with carefully as these decisions can impact your child’s future.

So you should get to know your kid and let the bond between you both grow. When the time comes to prove to the world that you do know what being a parent means, all that is needed is the bond and your committedness to your child’s future. This also means that you must be involved with the diverse aspects of your child’s mental and emotional state as well.

One of the way that your parenting rights can be demonstrated is with the discipline that you give to your children. They way that they react to this discipline will make it clear that you empathise all of the ins and outs of parenthood.

Of course this discipline concern can bite you in the teeth. So you need to be measured about the total of discipline that you show towards your kids. While they will still give you their love they may not answer just the way that you need. One of the more significant aspects of parenting rights is that you supervise the educational of necessity of your children fairly and impartially.

You should never try to force your choices on the children as this can make them feel unnecessarily pressured. Due to this they will follow the plans that you have chosen but they will be very rebellious. Therefore take the time and let your instincts help you to choose the right parenting choices. These choices are the corner stones of your lives.

So while there are many people who can claim to have parenting rights you have shown that you do know what it means to be a parent. For this understanding you should let every one say what they want and stress on the most significant view of your life which is seeing to your child’s future.

This article was written to provide you with knowledge about the subject I appreciate you taking your time to read it.